You Gotta Be Kidding Me

I found this post in a kpopsecret website, where KPOP fans post their hidden feelings about Korean artists anonymously. Tonight, I checked out the Eunhyuk tagged posts, because I was curious as to what people were saying about him, him being my bias and all. Then I found this:


Okay. So. This is the poster's opinion, and yes, we are all entitled to our own. I am not going to say her opinion is stupid because that is relative, and that's how she feels so it's okay. I'm not going to try and change anybody's mind, but I'm just going to say my two cents. This isn't directed at the one who posted this photo up, but to those fans who complain that Hyukjae has 'changed.'

Oh God, if you can't see that Eunhyuk is still the same emotional dorky gummy smiled Hyukjae you fell in love with, then you better think about your so called biasness. I'm seriously beginning to doubt if some fans would actually want their favorite to be a crybaby and be their goofball selves onstage (with thousands of non-fans watching) rather than show off all their hard work.

It's fans like these that make me wish we could weed out people in the fandom. They cling on to their idol and become so suffocating, and don't give them any room to grow. They attach themselves to a single image, to one concept of their favorite, and believe everything they want to believe about him, and when something changes, they throw a tantrum. They whine and complain that "he's changed, he's not the same guy I fell in love with." Oh wow, since when did a haircut change anything but the length of someone's hair? Since when did a six pack make someone any less of a person?

Fans like these might as well just say that they love the Don't Don Eunhyuk, or the Sorry Sorry Eunhyuk, if they're so attached to that one particular image.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, your bias doesn't want to be a skinny anchovy crybaby monkey anymore? You want your old Lee Hyukjae back? In case you've been living under a rock, your Lee Hyukjae isn't the guy we see doing Sorry Sorry solos, or Bonamana performances. That's Eunhyuk, that's his stage self. But whatever. Eunhyuk, Lee Hyukjae - they're both one and the same person, and he can be sexy and cute at the same time... and if you can't handle that, or if you just want one kiddie Eunhyuk for the rest of your life, you might as well switch to another fandom. Maybe you can like Peter Pan instead. He stays a kid forever.

I seriously don't understand fans who'd rather become a hindrance to their artists' growth, than be that leg up they need to succeed and achieve their dreams.

Dear Hyukjae

Today's been a heavy and depressing day. There's been so many news pieces coming out about SJ from their press conference that made me feel down... So this photo totally came as a pleasant surprise. Everything about it, from your smile, to your eyes we can make out from behind your glasses, Sungmin looking at you that way - I just want to freeze that moment. Can you stay happy like this forever? Sometimes I wish I could just take all the bad moments and erase them from your mind, just so you'll always be happy and smiling.

Do you even have any idea how wonderful and infectious your smile is? I don't care if its gummy or if it makes you get eye wrinkles. Your smile is genuine, true, pure and free of pretenses. In Super Show, one of the moments I treasure the most (if not the most) wasn't the time you stood on top of the stairs in front of us, not even a foot apart. You stood there and reached out for a fan's Happy Birthday Hyuk sunglasses, but you know what? I wish you hadn't, because I wish I could've seen your eyes. I got to touch you, at last, but that moment cannot compare to the time you smiled at me (a big, genuine gummy smile) for a few seconds, which to me, seemed a lifetime. It was 5 seconds; I counted from the fancam, you were more than 5 meters away, you weren't holding my hand, but your smile was enough to make it my favorite moment. I'm blabbering right now, but I just felt this urge to blog about your smile.

When Pictures Fail

Oh my God Eunhyuk you are the biggest sweetheart. Cyworld entry ♥ Now I sort of wish you won't get Twitter, you seem to really like writing longer entries that are meaningful. Part of me feels like you don't see the point of Twitter XD I didn't until recently, but whatever floats your boat is fine with me ♥

And I can't believe how people thought you'd changed; you're still a big crybaby who has to hold back tears just seeing sapphire blue balloons in the audience, just because crying will ruin your image and your eyeliner. And you're still the insecure goofball we all met in Full House and EHB, who doesn't think he shines like a bright jewel; you seriously have no idea how appreciated and loved you are. ♥

The Aftermath

It's just been how many days into the comeback itself and I am exhausted.. but it's a happy kind of exhaustion, the kind after a long day playing sports or shopping or whatever it is you like to do. Which is, in my case, spazz and gawk at the pretty.

In this blog post, I'll outline the Top 5 members who've soared and stood out (so far) in this comeback.

Exhibit A: Mr. Lee Hyukjae

I watched our Super Show 1 DVD a few days ago, and in a span of 2 years, this boy has grown and bloomed (for lack of a better word) to a man. It's not just the muscles or the abs (no complaints there, lol) but it's just his aura. His vibe and confidence is just so alluring. He emits this glow that sucks you in and makes you wonder how you could've possibly lived without it for so long. Personally, I prefer this picture to the one showing his abs. No specific reason, he just looks 'otherworldly,' to quote my sister. I mean, any guy who can make a bahag/skirt/piece of cloth worn over a pair of pants look good, is definitely not a regular human being. He is my bias, after all, but even if he wasn't, he'd still be on this list.

Exhibit B: Park Jungsoo

Hello, Jaejoong 2.0, hello TeukAbs, hello, Calvin Klein boxers, hello, oiled chest. I feel like a pervert just by looking at the photo, so I shall say no more and leave you to stare at the god before you... so. Are you sweating yet? I know I am! XD

Exhibit 3: Cho Kyuhyun

Our beloved maknae is a Dancing Hole no more. When it comes to dancing, he's gone from zero to hero in a matter of 2 years. Who knew he had it in him, the awkward, gangly, math olympiad who could sing the phonebook well if he wanted to. He was the last member to join, and barely got as much training as other members (ex. Eunhyuk, Donghae, Eeteuk) so all it took was a few years to train him and boom! We've got another dancing hero on our hands. I highly doubt he'll surpass Eunhyu, Donghae or Shindong with dancing (since their skills are pretty innate, if you ask me) but he sure can give Sungmin and Eeteuk now a run for their money. Have I mentioned he can sing? In my opinion, Kyuhyun is one helluva member. He's one of the Top 3 singers, and just now he's become one of the main. (We shoulda seen it coming with the MJ performance + Star Dance Battle XD) Plus, he's been blessed with striking good looks. (In person, he is absolutely DIVINE.) He's incredibly well-rounded, just like Donghae. Triple threat, anyone?

Exhibit D: Kim Ryeowook

The maknaes are on top for this comeback, and Ryeowook is no exception. This for me, is probably his defining look, just as Sorry Sorry's was Eunhyuk's. Why does Ryeowook shine in this album? If this picture wasn't enough proof, his solo will certainly convince you. I am totally in love with his solo, and I can't believe how much he's improved in dancing as well. (case in point, Bonamana MV) Like Kyuhyun, Ryeowook was one of the members who rarely got as much training, as he was only discovered in a singing contest. This guy is blooming right before our very eyes, our lovable blurness (I am STILL at a loss on how they came up with that nickname XD) Ryeowookie.

Exhibit E: Kim Heechul

A few months ago, if you had asked me what rank Heenim had in my heart, I would've shrugged and said that he was one of the last. His absence and indifference in 3jib, his diva ways and cross-dressing tendencies put me off a bit, to be honest. When I found out that in SS2, Heenim would be in front of our section, I whined and groaned because he was my least favorite member. (with the exception of Kibum) Maybe it was fate or it was providential that he would sit in front of us, because it was only after SS2 that I truly opened my heart to him. I finally understood why a lot of people put him first instead of other members. To add to that, he got a Twitter account, and his Tweets amused me to no end. He was adorable and endearing, he was down-to-earth and reachable. I watched some YS videos and I became proud of him. He appeared on StrongHeart and said what he was feeling, and I felt guilty and pathetic for even doubting his wanting to be part of the group. Then the Bonamana MV came out, and I saw him giving his all in the dance segments, jumping about even when he has a metal rod on his leg. This Kim Heechul, i thought to myself, was no quitter. So in a span of two months, Heenim has crept up from number 12 on list to Top 5. God, i love this boy(now), and I feel really sorry for doubting him and not giving him a chance.

So thus concludes my entry about the Top 5 members who've been standing out. Of course, all the members have their own appeal and I love them all to bits and pieces. It's just that it'd be too long to write here, it's getting really late. But one of these days, real soon, I'll write about the other members I didn't mention, and talk about how much I love each of them, yeah?

Oh, My Mistake

Heh, I just realized that I rarely write about happy things :/ After spazzing and swooning over something, i write about only the negative aspect.. which is NOT good, by any means. So I'll promise myself that the next time I'm extremely happy over something, I'll take to this blog! Because, wow, it sure needs some lightening up XD

Miinah Bonamana

Today was the release of the brand-spanking new MV of Super Junior. This morning, my sisters and I alarmed our phones so that we could countdown the minutes till the release of the video. Buffering the video was intensely suspenseful, but it was all very much worth the wait. Afterwards, my sister text messaged her fellow SJ fan from school, to ask her what she thought of the video. To her surprise, her friend went on a ranting spree. She went off saying how disappointed she was, how she expected more, how her favorite member Siwon didn't get enough screentime (to which she ruthlessly blamed Ryeowook and Kyuhyun for, the nerve), how it just didn't cut it like Sorry Sorry did, how "ugly" Hyukjae was in the video. (Excusez moi?) And that got my feathers all ruffled, because it had all sorts of wrong written all over it.

After having watched the Miinah (Bonamana) MV (play count on iPod: 57 times :|) and focusing on each member, and dissecting everything there was to analyze about it, I simply don't get it. The MV itself is better than Sorry Sorry, the lighting, color and everything. The boys are more handsome in this video, their clothes are way more fashionable, they're more muscular, they're more confident. The song is similar to SS but it still has its own flavor. The dance is extremely complex and harder and more interesting than Sorry Sorry. Maybe the one thing lacking (other than the missing members) would be a simple signature dance, but that's just about it.

What frustrates me is that some fans dissed the MV at first glance. No, i'm not talking about those who said they expected more - I'm talking about those people who said flat out that it wasn't good enough, that it wouldn't be a hit, that their biases deserved more screen time than others etc etc. Seriously, if are we talking who's more DESERVING -basis is song lines and dancing position- then your precious bias would have even LESS screen time than he had. If we are talking about who DESERVES more screen time, then Shindong should've had way more than roughly five close-up shots.. God knows he works his butt off in choreo... I don't get it, since when has it become a competition between members?

Seriously? What more do you EXPECT? A love scene with a girl? So that E.L.F. can send dead cats to the actress's house? So that some immature fans can bash the girl who's lucky - no, scratch that, BRAVE enough to be in their MV? What more do they expect? A 13 member group? Griping about people who aren't there just adds insult to injury to the boys who ARE there. It;s like saying "10 of you aren't enough."

And these (immature) fans are the same 'fans' who, after watching Music Bank, Music Core and Inkigayo performances, will swallow their words and say, "Oh, it's grown on me." and "Oh, i love it, Super Junior fighting!" They will accept it eventually ANYWAY, so i don't see the point in whining about it. To add to that, some say that it's too similar to Sorry Sorry, while others complain that it should've been more like their previous carrier single. *sigh* Some people just can't deal with change, and that's a sad, sad reality.

Lastly, the members have been so excited about their comeback. They've been plugging it nonstop. Are these so-called fans disappointed because the boys hyped it up so much? That's only because they were EXCITED and ITCHING to show everybody the new Super Junior. In Sukira, Eeteuk and Eunhyuk were giggling excitedly like two schoolgirls over their campus crush when they played Bonamana, and they couldn't resist dancing along to some parts. Shindong continuously dropped hints day after day about 4jib. Heechul, despite his bad leg, danced and jumped about for the MV. And (some) responses they get talk about how disappointed they were? Way to go, E.L.F. Kudos to insulting something the boys worked their butts off for months, in spite of the drama, issues, injuries, blood, sweat, tears and controversies. Not to mention their insane schedule. Thanks a lot.

I don't mean to sound like an overly sensitive E.L.F., but it sucks that while some of us are busy spazzing and congratulating the boys on a job well done, and while the boys are excitedly awaiting news and (positive) feedback for the MV, others are burrowing their brows and being disappointed. And some even have to LOOK for things to spazz over, when it's staring at them point black in the face.

To end this extremely long post, i'd like to re-quote a saying the founder of SJ-World tweeted. The one who said it was Eric, a member of the band Shinhwa. He said:

"Just as each person has their own particular food suited to their taste from the large variety of foods, if our food does not suit your taste, eat something else. We don't cook for people that don't like our food. Luckily there are people who love the food that we work so hard to make and again we just work hard for those people."

In Days Like This

Today has been an eventful day for Super Junior fans.

The teaser photos were released today. (see previous entry for the photos)

Donghae tweeted:

"Even though we are far away in body, we know we are always together. Even though we don’t say i love you, we know we love each other. Even though we don’t say we’re one, we know we’re one. 13"

Donghae updated his CyWorld sidebar:

"Hankyung, Kibum, Kangin... i love you."

Leeteuk Tweeted:

"Today is a day where i'm missing everyone so bad..."

Last, but DEFINITELY not the least, Kangin wrote on his FanCafe:

Hello, it's Kangin, have you been doing well?
As you all know, I've hold a time of self-reflection and during that time I've looked back at myself
I am doing well. After writing and erasing many times a message, now at last I'm putting one up

To the people who always supported me and gave me their love I want to bow my head down and say sorry
Now my days are fillied with regrets and reflection on why did I just overlooked the important things around me during that time
These days I get asked from the fans who do not forget me and are waiting if I'll be part of 4th album activities
Everytime I get asked this, there is a lot of worries


Therefore I'm posting this message


The 4th album's work is almost finished and now waiting to meet the fans...
For me, I thought doing those activities was too early,
Because I feel that I need more self-reflection time
You won't find me in this activities.
If you are a Korean man you have to do once your defense duty... the army
I also thought a lot of when I would have to go
I thought to myself whether it was that time now
Even if the exact date is not decided, I'm expecting to be enlisted in a short time.

But I support the members who are always close and I'm thinking about them standing together on stage
Because our members really worked hard and again tried to create an album , please give a lot of love
Because Kangin can not exist without Super Junior, please send a lot of interest and love too.
I'll come back soon and i want to show my image being with the other members

As it's my beginning and end, please cheer for super junior until the end
All of you fans, you must also stay healthy
I hope that only good things will happen to you.

I’ll be Back~~^^*

All these entries don't even account for a percentage of what they must be feeling right now. It just goes to show how much they see each other as almost blood brothers. Oh Super Junior, i can't even explain how much i love you. :(

Oh, To Wake Up To This

This morning, i woke up to email a file to a client for my mom, and lo and behold, the 4jib teaser photo was up. I panicked and woke my sister up, and we loaded the page together with bated breath. For about a whole minute, we spazzed and drooled at how gorgeous and shocking they looked. Eunhyuk's chest. Sungmin's hair. Eeteuk's arms. Our biggest fear for 4jib was that they'd end up looking overly made up like U-Kiss, and we were glad that so far, so good.

Then when we scrolled down at the news, i felt my heart literally ripping apart. There will also be 10 members involved as member KangIn is in the army. A big piece of my heart broke off, the piece that loved Kangin, the guy who was rough and tough on the outside, but was really a sucker and a big softy on the inside. I've been missing him so much, and i had hoped and prayed that he'd be joining the comeback. It's been too long, and much has to be said about the fact that he is one member who has invested so much time, love and effort into being there. Kangin WANTS to be part of it all, heck, he wants to be right where the action is.

KiBum is doing his actor activities. Another piece broke away. I was surprised that it hurt, Kibum not being there, mainly because in my family, i'm the one who cares the least for him. My sisters scold me whenever i gripe about Kibum, but let's save that for another entry. He was present in all the official 3jib photos and album jackets, even if he didn't participate in the album itself... so him not being in the teaser photo practically screams that he isn't really part of Super Junior anymore, at least not technically.

As for HanKyung, he is in the middle of the lawsuit, and will not be participating in 4th Album activities. And another piece ripped off, a physical pain - a heartburn. It was expected, of course, but I have so many thoughts and emotions regarding this matter, and I don't know what to make of the whole situation.

Hankyung currently not in contact with the members and the Super Junior members felt sad about it. THIS. This was the last blow, the reminder that despite the edgy photoshoot and hype about 4jib, the Super Junior members are in pain. After having watched the Boys in City 3 DVD, it was clear that they were all very close to Hangeng, and if i'm hurting, what more the members? Heechul? Donghae? The SJM members? Leeteuk? *sigh*

I really don't know what to feel or how i should take this.

I'm happy. I'm so excited for the MV and the rest of album promotions, because again, Asia will see just how amazing Super Junior is at what they do. This is what the boys do best and they love being onstage, they're happy, i'm happy.

I'm disappointed because i was hoping that Kangin would be there. I'm disappointed at fans who fail to see the bigger picture. I'm disappointed at Only1 fans who don't care that Kangin won't be there or that Hangeng is in the middle of a lawsuit.

I'm angry. I am pissed at those who whine and complain, "Oh, Hyuk's eyebrows look weird" or "oh my, Kyuhyun's hair and outfit." Some people need to be open to change, and i know i sound like a total hypocrite because things HAVE changed, but i'm talking about changing image and haircuts. Hairstyles grow out, and clothes get worn out, so take a chill pill with the concept and accept it. They look better than just good, anyway.

I'm... i'm... really at a loss for words, and i don't know what to say anymore.

Oh, The Things We Do For Love

Welcome to my own little corner in the world wide web. To date, this has been my longest fandom yet (10 months already, that's long or short depending on the person XD) and i don't think it'll die down anytime soon.

Other than Super Junior, i love shopping, writing, painting/sketching, writing songs, and spending time with family and friends. I also currently in love with my dog, Charles.

You know that feeling where you have too many thoughts and ideas about one thing, and telling it to just a few other people isn't enough? Well, this is it. Because of that feeling, i made this! Twitter isn't exactly equipped with enough characters in a post, and i'm a talkative person so Twitter just wasn't enough.

Anyway, happy reading! :)